Location Needed AND My "Secret" to Finding A Man

Needed: A dark, velvety candlelit restaurant; the type where a violin player serenades you for a Geico commercial. Should be in Nassau County for a one-day shoot in November. If you have any suggestions, please e-mail me at debfilm@aol.com.

Okay, that takes care of business for the moment. Now back to me.

Five days ago, John and I celebrated four years of having come into each other’s lives. Nope, we don’t have that slip of paper – but we couldn’t be more committed to each other. I had just come off of a really awful divorce; not that I think too many are un-awful, but this was really bad.

I did the younger man thing, the bodybuilder thing, and I was looking forward to meeting a really nice guy that I could spend time with who wasn’t going to give me agitta.

Figuring that I’d try that “Secret” stuff out, I made my list of what I wanted in a mate. First I listed the obvious things –

Intelligent

Funny

Sweet

Honest

Would love me

Would love my daughter

Had a good job – making more than me

He would accept and adore me exactly as I am

He would enjoy theatre, film, reading etc

He would be supportive and help me be the best person I could be

And on and on…

I took off the line “He knows how to ballroom dance,” because I figured that was pushing my luck.

And I also left off tall, blond haired, blue eyed, muscular, hot etc, because really, if everything else is there, how important is that?

So I was doing the internet dating thing, and culled down about 200 responses to 6 people who I spoke to. Four I actually met (and dated). They all had most of the qualities; really good jobs, attractive, funny, etc. One of them even played with The Cars for a while.

The problem was that dating was becoming a full time job, and I already had a full time job (Film Commissioner), and a part time job (freelance writing), and a daughter, a house and a dog. So, I canceled my membership to Match.com, and they nicely gave me some money back. And I closed down my accounts at the other sites I was on as well.

Then something strange happened. I got an e-mail from one of the sites I closed. And I checked the profile of this intelligent, adventurous, somewhat snarky gentleman who said he had blond hair, blue eyes and was six foot tall with an athletic build. And he lived one town over. Until my venture into the last round of guys, I was also specializing in men that lived out of state. It just seemed easier that way. Anyway, we chatted on-line for a couple of weeks before we decided to meet. We spoke once on the phone, and I was a little surprised at his voice. It had a certain quality to it that I could not place, but it was pleasant enough. We decided to meet at Starbucks on Hempstead Turnpike in East Meadow (which is now a Cheaper Peepers store). When I walked in, this gentleman looked terrified. He had on a long, leather duster coat and a leather wide-brimmed drovers’ hat under which he had him some long blond hair. I said his name, and he turned to me and smiled.

We spoke for three hours with hardly a pause. He held his coffee cup in one hand, but never drank from it. I found out later that he didn’t even like Starbucks coffee. So there we were, talking about everything you’re not supposed to talk about when you’re getting to know someone. And we discussed how neither of us really wanted to get serious anytime soon because we were just so damned busy. By the end of our coffee date, we were making plans to meet again.

Now I had a conundrum. My plan of not being monogamous for a year or getting serious before three years was starting to wear on me. I really liked this guy. How was I going to date others when I really liked this one? It took me two weeks before I finally told the other gentlemen that I found someone I wanted to get to know a bit better, which meant seeing no one else. It took another couple of weeks before I found out that John not only knew how to ballroom dance, but that he’d won several awards back in the day.

Neither of us have ever looked back. Is marriage in the cards? I don’t know. I don’t really care right now. I’ve been blessed to meet this really amazing person who is just so much fun! We get to be incredibly silly together. We can tell each other everything, and there’s no judging. He is my best friend, partner and all the rest of that good stuff. So to celebrate our four year anniversary, we went to work, took the dog for a walk, got a cup of 7-11 coffee and went to see the movie Julie and Julia. True, it’s not a weekend at The Plaza, but it’s us, and it seems that sharing the smallest of things makes us really happy.